Movies and Theaters

Obviously a lot of people go to the movies stoned. Pot gives any movie a half-a-thumb handicap. Many of us only go to movies stoned... If you're like me, choosing a showtime, you just add the smoke time into your calculations. If you've ever opted for a later showtime because you could make it, but might not have time for a decent session beforehand - you know what I mean.

Most often it's better to smoke-n-go, which requires a little bit of time at home and works best if you're near the theater. Danger is, it makes the whole process of choosing a movie and buying a ticket VERY challenging when you get to the theater. I recommend pre-ordering your tickets. In my mind it's well worth the extra $1 fee to pick up your e-ticket at the kiosk: avoid the line and the awkward human contact. There have been way too many times when I find myself saying an actor's name and forgetting the movie title when I actually make it to the ticket window. Not worth it... total buzzkill.

You can also choose to go-n-smoke somewhere near the theater. I used to do this more as a teenager or when life revolved around a car. If you're in the suburbs this probably means you end up smoking in a parking garage - or even more dangerous while driving. If you're in the city, this means smoking on the street. Either way, it's pretty risky. The only advantage there is that you're not blowing your high on commute time.

Once you're in, you've got decisions about snacks. I've always figured if you're going to get a soda, get a big one. My logic here revolves around the increased volume that will keep the soda cold more of the movie. A large can still be cold after an hour, but this all ends up leading to the inevitable need to take a piss during the movie. For me, it's not a question of whether or not I'll have to take a leak, but when... and how many times.

I always try to take preemptive action on the way in. In a group or on a date, I try to choose a seat first, but I definitely want to get to the bathroom before the movie starts. This is also helpful because I figure out the route so the during-the-movie-dash can be more efficient - it's less likely I'll get lost on my second visit somewhere.

The second piss - can be unpredictable. Usually the previews and the snack roller coaster are pretty good times to be in the theater - since you're at your most baked at that point. The demonstration of the surround sound is a good indicator of how well you've timed your high. This should be a religious experience if you've worked it out well.

After the movie is rolling - it's all about anticipeetion. I always try to time for a moment of exposition. Like when two people sit down for a heart-to-heart. Get up to and run out. I also try to leave after a big action sequence or comedic montage. In the end, when you gotta go, you gotta go. That's the way things are. I just try to hold out long enough that I only duck out once. When I'm stuck in the middle of a row at a crowded show, that's all I think my neighbors will tolerate.